many faded things

Title: Treat Her Like a Lady
Author: causeways
Fandom: SPN
Rating: R
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Word Count: 6,042
Disclaimer: All characters, situations, etc. belong to Eric Kripke and others. Except for the demon poodle. The demon poodle is mine.
Summary: You can never tell when a conversation with a really smokin' woman is going to come back and bite you in the ass. Dean gets cursed into dating Sam.
Author's Notes: This is for walkawayslowly, since basically it is all her fault. Thanks to balefully and dark_reaction for reading this over and to memphis86 for betaing.

( Treat Her Like a Lady )

Y'know, usually I go for some kind of thematic unity of SOME SORT in my polls. Not today!

[Poll #1153165]

Okay fine, I guess I could explain a tiny bit. MAYBE. The writing stuff should be self-explanatory, but I'll talk about the first question and the last.

So okay, the term "coffee klatch." I'd run across it before because I'm a German major, and it's German (Kaffeeklatsch), but I'd never realized it existed in English until I started reading stuff at my internship, and omg, it is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Did I miss something? Is this the next cool phrase? Do most people use it DAILY?

ETA: I should maybe say what a coffee klatch is! According to dictionary.com: a social gathering for informal conversation at which coffee is served.

Ahaha, anyway, on to more important things: BEEF JERKY. I've probably mentioned before that I leave home to drive to my internship at a rather disgusting hour of the morning, in the interests of avoiding traffic. If I could leave at 3 in the morning and avoid traffic, I honestly probably would, but my caffeine addiction is such that if I don't get coffee and something to eat before I go, I am SO UNHAPPY on the way, and nothing around here opens before 6. (As I write this, it's occurring to me that gas stations do. HUH. I MAY CONSIDER THIS.) Anyway, usually I stop in at the bagel place right at 6 when it opens and get a bagel and a coffee, and then hit the road. This morning, though, they were running slow at the bagel place -- it was going to be another twenty minutes, wth -- so I went over to Starbucks, got coffee and a donut (so gooood), and then realized I needed gas.

Well. I have this problem where I am really atrocious about feeding myself on internship days -- I'm on the road well before college dining hall breakfast, and well after college dining hall dinner, and I am cheeeeeap -- so I was like, "You know what? I am going to give myself some FOOD today, damn it." Only the gas station didn't have anything I really wanted . . . except beef jerky.

I haven't had it in AGES, but omg, it is so good. And I bet Dean LOVES IT. I bet he keeps eighteen packages of it in the trunk, along with his Costco box of condoms. I bet he drives hundreds of miles out of the way for good jerky. Like that place on the 395 (the highway that runs north-south through the desert in California, toward Mt. Whitney) that starts advertising its jerky 50 miles in advance in either direction! EXOTIC MEATS. DON'T MISS OUT. Dean lives for that shit!

Not as much as he lives for Sam's blowjobs, but y'know, when he's really hungry? Sometimes it's a close call.

Um. I might have been extremely bored at my internship earlier. That is my excuse for all of this. But anyway, dazzling_onyx is just getting into SPN, and I told her I'd give her some recs, SO:

( A big ol' list of recs. Nine SPN and six CW RPS. SPN recs are either AUs or do not contain spoilers past the end of S1 -- or at least, they shouldn't, if I did my job right! )

Sometimes I rag on Virginia, and I ALWAYS rag on my local paper. It's a piece of crap. But let's recall the time the alligator got loose in Portsmouth, and now these two bits of genius. First:

Cause for pause: Theft of cats can go unpunished

And I quote:

Stealing a dog is a felony in Virginia. Cats, however, get no respect. Snatch one and you're unlikely to be charged.

A proposed law under review in the House of Delegates would change that, making the punishment for stealing a dog and a cat identical.

A brazen thief who tucked a kitten named Ernie under his shirt and ran out of the Richmond SPCA last year sparked the movement for what advocates have jokingly dubbed "Ernie's Law."

And second:

I had somehow completely missed the whole bumper nuts phenomenon until literally TODAY, when I saw them on a pickup truck that had four different REBEL YELL banners on it and a big ol' pair of bumper nuts dangling from a chain on its trailer hitch.

For those of you who are as yet uninitiated! ( photographic evidence )

You'd think I'd have seen those when I was in California, since the Inland Empire is totally down with shit like this, but no. Southern Virginia Beach is where it's at, apparently!

Anyway, as soon as we'd seen the truck with the bumper nuts on them, my mom goes, "Oh yeah, that was in the local paper this morning!"

Virginia bill would snip anatomical accessories off vehicles

I'm sad! They changed the headline from this morning. It ran in the hard-copy paper as, I could not make this up if I tried:

Bill sets out to neuter 'vulgar' auto displays.

Anyway, I think my favorite part of the article is:

"The serious response to this is that if these objects represent an idea, then they are protected by the First Amendment," said Kent Willis, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia "even if most people think they are vulgar or lewd."

Yeah, they totally represent an idea: "MAH TRUCK'S GOT BALLS!"

Oh, humanity. Never change.

Anyway! You guys who are working on abouttwoboys fics! How are they coming? You're all writing awesome epic things, am I right? Tell me about them!

Ehh, mini-hiatus is over a night early. Fuck that shit. I'm done with nearly all of the work that's due tomorrow, anyway, thanks to the fact that I sat down and wrote papers pretty much all day long today. Good tiiimes. And they may be shitty, but they are done, and that's what matters!

So now I am watching SGA (I'm so late on this! Like everything else! But but but. MCSHEP.) and then doing a little bit of work and then maybe, IDK, writing fic or something. I feel like I haven't written fic in ages. How weird.

[Poll #1104745]

Right, I'ma go watch the power of Rodney and John's epic love save the world. I AM NOT ABANDONING YOU, SPN, I SWEAR. I love my gay demon hunting brothers! I'm just a little enamored of the epic geeklove.

I have a confession to make. I started to suspect this when I watched 'Nightshifter' for the third time, and it became a little clearer when I rewatched 'Tall Tales', but the third watching of 'Heart' completely confirmed it:

I've become a Sam girl.

I've always thought both Wincesters were hot shit. I would not have hesitated to do either of them from the start. But towards the end of my discovering-SPN-and-frantically-catching-up marathon a couple of months ago, I came to the realization that I was a Dean girl. Except now? Well. I don't want to say "I take it all back", because I still love Dean. It's just, uh. I can best explain it this way:

The first time I watched 'Heart', I was right there fist-pumping with Dean for Sammy getting some.

This last time I watched 'Heart', my stomach FLIPPED WITH ANTICIPATION and I FLAILED ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I'd still do them both, don't get me wrong. And Dean, I still love you. I could still watch you eat things all day and die happy. But now, if given the choice? I'd do your brother first.

. . . I feel like I should go post "SAM LOVE 4EVA!!!1!!" on sam_support or something, hee. :D It's just, I don't know. Suddenly EVERY LITTLE WRINKLE OF HIS BROW makes me keyboardmash. His mouth twitches. His ridiculously floppy hair. His arm muscles. GUH.

So uh. If every fic I write from Dean's POV from here on out has 5,000 words of description about how Sam is the HOTTEST THING IN THE WORLD THE END, you'll know why. \o/

On a totally unrelated note, I can't stop listening to the two Timbaland songs off notthequiettype's pizza boy AU soundtrack, in the sense that I have actually been playing them on repeat since last night. "Bounce" makes me want to write threesome porn SO BADLY. I got the remedy, it's you on me and me on you / Then her on me and her on you and y'all on me . . . Jared/Jensen/Sandy, anyone? :D